Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So much rum. So many feels.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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