Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
