There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
