Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
