I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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