Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
