Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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