i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
