Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
