last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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