Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
