is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
