I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
