Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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