Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
