they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
