I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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