dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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