Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
