just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
