Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
