I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
