My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
