if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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