Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
