to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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