I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
