well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize