she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
