$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
