Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just blew my weed a kiss
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
