He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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