i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
