You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
