it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
