it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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