Her vagina should come with caution tape.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
