if you like me you must not know who I am
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
