Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
