You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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