Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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