I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
