I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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