So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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