I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
