I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
