Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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