Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
