honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
