At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
