yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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