i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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