So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
