trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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