his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
