tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
