Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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