I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
