That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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