i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
